The world is full of fucking morons who don’t realize that they are lazy and worthless. I’m not referring to fags, liberals, Republicans, hippies, or the Irish. The most worthless creatures that lurks the bright places of the interweb are the sacks of shit who don’t realize that the interweb is a research tool. They see the internet as a means of communication and communication.

The internet serves three major functions; research, communication, and as a means of software delivery. The worthless fucks I speak of understand the software delivery, embrace the communication aspect, but fail to realize the vast cultural importance of the internet’s vast repository of information. Because a vast portion of human knowledge is now readily available to anyone who knows how to use the tools, human interaction changes.

It does not matter what you know, but how quickly you can find information. Concepts still remain vital, but pure information is present in the interweb. For example, knowing what type of interface can be created using .Net framework is more important than actually knowing how to do it. Figuring out how to do it can be easily found on the interweb, but know what to do with it requires constructing an conclusion from grounded concepts.

Nor is it really ever necessary to ask a question. For much of humanity’s history asking easy questions has been a form of social interaction. “How’s the weather down there?” This type of information can now be easily researched and obtained. Almost all questions can be readily answered. “What’s blending? How do I base this fig to look like a jungle? How do I do X in Excel? How do I get to your store? How do I get to the museum?” All these questions are now rendered to social as it takes more time and is far less reliable to ask this socially that a simple trip to your friendly neighborhood Google.

Below is a transcript form several communications between an individual selling crap on eBay and a fucktard who has as yet to embrace the enlightenment of the interweb.

From: oldman40k
To: lord_fool
Subject: You’ve received a question about your eBay item, STARSHIP TROOPERS Cap Troopers Sprues Sealed in Plastic
Dear lord_fool,
How tall are they. Close to Warhammer 40k Space Marines can you take a picture out of plastic
- oldman40k

Dear lord_fool,
I asked once never got an answer. How tall are the figures? warhammer 40k size? — 1/35 size? — 1/72 size? — 1/600 size?
oldman40k

Dear oldman40k,
A simple search on Google will answer that question.
- lord_fool

Dear lord_fool,
You can’t just answer it? For a seller with a 46 rating I would think you might just try a little coustomer service. THANKS A LOT Realy looking forward to buying something from you.
- oldman40k

Do you see what really transpired in this conversation? Oldman40k said, “I am a fucking noob and I am far too retarded to find information on the interweb. I would like to take your time so that you can provide me the information that I require despite the fact that the very creation of this email took longer than a simple search on the interweb would have required.”

Lord_fool, despite his lack of Asian ancestry, did a very Japanese thing and ignore the fuck-tard so that he would not be shamed by his inability to conduct the simplest of researches.

Oldman40k, however, is persistent in his stupidity and demanded an answer by saying, “I am in need of help for I am far too incompetent to use Google, Yahoo!, or Bing. Please, tell me how to embrace the cultural implications of the information age.”

Lord_fool tried to help this individual by politely suggesting a tool he might use to answer this question and any other question he might have in the future. Lord_fool believes, like all who have embraced the cultural importance of the information age, you teach a man how to fish and he won’t go hungry.

Oldman40k once again proudly proclaimed that he is more trouble than he is worth and still can’t figure out how to use the interweb. Has Oldman40Kk researched he would have discovered not only the answer to his query, but a host of other information which might have allowed him to branch out of his 40K shell. He might have realized that his original question was worthless. He wanted to know how tall the Starship Trooper Cap Trooper miniatures are compared to 40K miniatures. Lord_fool could have measured a Cap Trooper and a Space Marine and gave Oldman40k an answer or he could have compared a Cap Trooper to an Imperial Guardsman miniature.

Ultimately, however, all the comparisons would have been moot, because the two games use different scales even if the miniatures are the same height. 40K has miniatures that are about an inch from foot to eye, but the miniatures are sculpted in a heroic scale. The hands and eyes are far larger than on a proportional human. Starship Troopers Cap Troopers are about an inch from foot to eye, but they are realistically sculpted, so the head and hands are in proportion to a normal human. Essentially, they are the same height, but won’t mix together. Had Oldman40k researched a little, he would have discovered this and could have asked a more pertinent question.

The world has fundamentally changed because of the cultural revolution. It’s not just the ability to communicate instantly around the world or statically through blogs, forums, and personal pages. It is the information age and it means just that.

Embrace the change and do some fucking research!

I am a big fan of nostalgic sentiment. For a mall lone gone, the game stores of my youth, good Star Trek movies, and even a home town that wasn’t choked with fucking Mexicans and white trash. However, not every piece of fag-related bullshit will make me or anyone who remembers the worthless sow, Megan Mullally, long for the late nineties. Who the fuck is this add targeting? I won’t even ask the important, but awkward, question, “where does all of that fag-butter come from anyway?”

It certainly isn’t targeting older women. I showed that video to my mother and she not only decided to stop consuming I can’t Believe it’s not Butter, but went out, got a stick of butter, and a syringe and is now freebasing butter.

I showed it to one of my friends, who says that he is not gay, but once asked people to guess his favorite musical. While he watched it he sat silently absorbing the gay waves. After the video ended, he stood up and calmly said, “it all makes so much sense now.” Since viewing the video he’s became an Episcopalian, got married to a wonderful women named Greg, and has adopted a child, thus giving his parents the little Asian grandbaby they always wanted so that they could celebrate birthdays in a more African manor while their child teaches the Asian grandbaby how to read/write/speak Asian and masturbates to Al Gore pictures while watching reruns of Will and Grace.

It has to be that a democrat in the Whitehouse sparks something in the gays. Carter brought Three’s Company. Clinton brought all of the gay-fag shit in the nineties. Now this fucking video! It the country keeps going like this, in three years we are going to be Spain-gay.

I know most of you think that we can be saved from the fagdom by geeks. Well guess what, you dumb fuckers, the trappings of geekdom have gone well over the edge of the fag-cliff and are plummeting down to land on the blood-encrusted sodimic stalagtites of gaydom. (For those of you who don’t know, this location is really a coffee shop just outside of San Francisco)

On a final note, I have received several polite emails which mention that this site might have a slight leaning on a particular view against homosexuals. While this stance is far from the original intention of the site, originally this site was designed to degrade Native Americans, but then that was voted ineffective because American Indian can read.

In order for newspapers such as The New York Times to become profitable again, they need to crank the badass up to eleven.

To make a successful form of entertainment today all one has to do is take an IP that is twenty to twenty-five years old and crank the badass up to eleven. I don’t know if this is because for the past decade ninety-nine percent of everyone under the age of thirty is a brain-dead fuck-tard who is enamored with shiny things or an incredibly gay entertainment industry overcompensation in it’s attempt to appeal to the hetro consumers. Here are some examples:

Transformers: The new transformers are just like the original IP, but with the badass cranked up to eleven (if not pushing hard on twelve).

Battlestar Galatica: Like the original, but with the whiny turned up to ten and the badass cranked up to eleven.

G.I. Joe: Like the original, but badass at eleven.

Terminator Salvation: Like The Terminator, but with the badass cranked wayyyyyyy up to eleven. This movie is probably the best example of the badass at eleven theory. In the original The Terminator, humanity in the future were reduced to living in holes and scraping by to fight back against Skynet. They were resistance fighters similar to the Wolverines in Red Dawn. I’m not sure if both of hese movies were an attempt for the generation in the eighties to identify with the VC a generation earlier and side with the winners, but it was a fairly common theme in the eighties. Yet, this was not badass enough for the modern generation. Now the resistance fighters have Iroquois, Warthogs, and Blackhawks. They are wayyyy more badass.

V: Like the original, but more whinny and badass. This series should be as popular as Battlestar Galatica.

The list goes on and on, though there are some exceptions. Fame was faggy in the eighties and is faggy now. However, other media should take advantage of the badass at eleven or they will rot and die. If The New York Times wants’ to survive it should pick up Michael Bay as an editor.

Looking back over the last century’s science fiction and futurist literature two things come to mind, a lot was right and a lot was wrong. Sure, the very creation of past fiction can drive the development of future technology, but quite often even the cultural implications are wrong.

The desire for mobile personal communications can go pack past even Dick Tracy’s watch. The influence for a drive towards portable cell phones can be seen in Star Trek. You think cell phones would flip open if Kirk didn’t have a communicator that flipped open on his endless quest for ass? But one thing that was not foreseen was the cultural interference.

Sure, the ability to instantly communicate with and desired individual from anywhere on the globe is hella-sweet, there is a down side. I don’t mean the traffic accidents, additional museum signs restricting cell phone usage, or even the now-constant chatter in every library I’ve been to in the last decade. No, what I speak of is the cultural interference in a Redbox line. No one foresaw that individuals would someday stack in the back of a line while a woman with an unnaturally large ass talks on a cell phone with another individual who is equally fucking stupid about a movie that a third party might or might not wish to view.

Now, when I say she had a large ass, I mean it was fucking crazy huge. If the continental US was tattooed on her ass, you would never find Nebraska. If her ass were divided amongst five other women, they would still have unnaturally large asses. I’m not even sure why she was on the phone with one individual talking about what movie another individual might want to view. There is no way that a couch exists that would allow her and two other people to sit in any sized room to watch a movie, unless the movie was to be shown on her ass.

Why the fuck can’t people use the goddamned internet for what it was designed for, research? Why can’t they go to a fucking computer, look at what titles are available on an individual Redbox machine, and fucking figure out what they want? Why do they have to waist my fucking time?