Because it does good work…

I managed to get a really high rez satellite picture of a portion of Haiti from a DOD buddy of mine.

The world is full of fucking morons who don’t realize that they are lazy and worthless. I’m not referring to fags, liberals, Republicans, hippies, or the Irish. The most worthless creatures that lurks the bright places of the interweb are the sacks of shit who don’t realize that the interweb is a research tool. They see the internet as a means of communication and communication.

The internet serves three major functions; research, communication, and as a means of software delivery. The worthless fucks I speak of understand the software delivery, embrace the communication aspect, but fail to realize the vast cultural importance of the internet’s vast repository of information. Because a vast portion of human knowledge is now readily available to anyone who knows how to use the tools, human interaction changes.

It does not matter what you know, but how quickly you can find information. Concepts still remain vital, but pure information is present in the interweb. For example, knowing what type of interface can be created using .Net framework is more important than actually knowing how to do it. Figuring out how to do it can be easily found on the interweb, but know what to do with it requires constructing an conclusion from grounded concepts.

Nor is it really ever necessary to ask a question. For much of humanity’s history asking easy questions has been a form of social interaction. “How’s the weather down there?” This type of information can now be easily researched and obtained. Almost all questions can be readily answered. “What’s blending? How do I base this fig to look like a jungle? How do I do X in Excel? How do I get to your store? How do I get to the museum?” All these questions are now rendered to social as it takes more time and is far less reliable to ask this socially that a simple trip to your friendly neighborhood Google.

Below is a transcript form several communications between an individual selling crap on eBay and a fucktard who has as yet to embrace the enlightenment of the interweb.

From: oldman40k
To: lord_fool
Subject: You’ve received a question about your eBay item, STARSHIP TROOPERS Cap Troopers Sprues Sealed in Plastic
Dear lord_fool,
How tall are they. Close to Warhammer 40k Space Marines can you take a picture out of plastic
- oldman40k

Dear lord_fool,
I asked once never got an answer. How tall are the figures? warhammer 40k size? — 1/35 size? — 1/72 size? — 1/600 size?
oldman40k

Dear oldman40k,
A simple search on Google will answer that question.
- lord_fool

Dear lord_fool,
You can’t just answer it? For a seller with a 46 rating I would think you might just try a little coustomer service. THANKS A LOT Realy looking forward to buying something from you.
- oldman40k

Do you see what really transpired in this conversation? Oldman40k said, “I am a fucking noob and I am far too retarded to find information on the interweb. I would like to take your time so that you can provide me the information that I require despite the fact that the very creation of this email took longer than a simple search on the interweb would have required.”

Lord_fool, despite his lack of Asian ancestry, did a very Japanese thing and ignore the fuck-tard so that he would not be shamed by his inability to conduct the simplest of researches.

Oldman40k, however, is persistent in his stupidity and demanded an answer by saying, “I am in need of help for I am far too incompetent to use Google, Yahoo!, or Bing. Please, tell me how to embrace the cultural implications of the information age.”

Lord_fool tried to help this individual by politely suggesting a tool he might use to answer this question and any other question he might have in the future. Lord_fool believes, like all who have embraced the cultural importance of the information age, you teach a man how to fish and he won’t go hungry.

Oldman40k once again proudly proclaimed that he is more trouble than he is worth and still can’t figure out how to use the interweb. Has Oldman40Kk researched he would have discovered not only the answer to his query, but a host of other information which might have allowed him to branch out of his 40K shell. He might have realized that his original question was worthless. He wanted to know how tall the Starship Trooper Cap Trooper miniatures are compared to 40K miniatures. Lord_fool could have measured a Cap Trooper and a Space Marine and gave Oldman40k an answer or he could have compared a Cap Trooper to an Imperial Guardsman miniature.

Ultimately, however, all the comparisons would have been moot, because the two games use different scales even if the miniatures are the same height. 40K has miniatures that are about an inch from foot to eye, but the miniatures are sculpted in a heroic scale. The hands and eyes are far larger than on a proportional human. Starship Troopers Cap Troopers are about an inch from foot to eye, but they are realistically sculpted, so the head and hands are in proportion to a normal human. Essentially, they are the same height, but won’t mix together. Had Oldman40k researched a little, he would have discovered this and could have asked a more pertinent question.

The world has fundamentally changed because of the cultural revolution. It’s not just the ability to communicate instantly around the world or statically through blogs, forums, and personal pages. It is the information age and it means just that.

Embrace the change and do some fucking research!

I am a big fan of nostalgic sentiment. For a mall lone gone, the game stores of my youth, good Star Trek movies, and even a home town that wasn’t choked with fucking Mexicans and white trash. However, not every piece of fag-related bullshit will make me or anyone who remembers the worthless sow, Megan Mullally, long for the late nineties. Who the fuck is this add targeting? I won’t even ask the important, but awkward, question, “where does all of that fag-butter come from anyway?”

It certainly isn’t targeting older women. I showed that video to my mother and she not only decided to stop consuming I can’t Believe it’s not Butter, but went out, got a stick of butter, and a syringe and is now freebasing butter.

I showed it to one of my friends, who says that he is not gay, but once asked people to guess his favorite musical. While he watched it he sat silently absorbing the gay waves. After the video ended, he stood up and calmly said, “it all makes so much sense now.” Since viewing the video he’s became an Episcopalian, got married to a wonderful women named Greg, and has adopted a child, thus giving his parents the little Asian grandbaby they always wanted so that they could celebrate birthdays in a more African manor while their child teaches the Asian grandbaby how to read/write/speak Asian and masturbates to Al Gore pictures while watching reruns of Will and Grace.

It has to be that a democrat in the Whitehouse sparks something in the gays. Carter brought Three’s Company. Clinton brought all of the gay-fag shit in the nineties. Now this fucking video! It the country keeps going like this, in three years we are going to be Spain-gay.

I know most of you think that we can be saved from the fagdom by geeks. Well guess what, you dumb fuckers, the trappings of geekdom have gone well over the edge of the fag-cliff and are plummeting down to land on the blood-encrusted sodimic stalagtites of gaydom. (For those of you who don’t know, this location is really a coffee shop just outside of San Francisco)

On a final note, I have received several polite emails which mention that this site might have a slight leaning on a particular view against homosexuals. While this stance is far from the original intention of the site, originally this site was designed to degrade Native Americans, but then that was voted ineffective because American Indian can read.

One of the great things about competition in a capitalist economy is advancement. Someone develops and produces a product, shortly there after someone else creates a slightly better version. This goes on and on until we end up with movies directed by Michael Bay. In an example of this, Barnes & Noble released the Nook today. Everybody who preordered the new Nook eReader emailed me today and they both have mixed feelings about the Nook.

B&N played it smart by aiming for the same hetro audiences that plunk  down cash to see a Michael Bay movie by making the Nook more badass, social, and compatible. They drastically cranked up the “eBook badass dial” to eleven. The Nook has a secondary screen that allows users to scroll through book covers ala iTunes. Sure, the Kindle has a keyboard, but that is only for people who like functionality. As everyone knows, the target audience for badass things like Michael Bay movies reads voraciously, so B&N will make a killing.

The Nook has taken new steps twaords making the eReader experience more social. Those with kindles know that reading in public leads to spending almost as much time talking about the Kindle as reading it. Amazon just doesn’t do brick and mortar, but since the money is in the content, basing a store on selling the Kindle hardware and limited accessories is about as smart as putting a battery-draining LCD on an eReader so that users can squint and barely distinguish titles with similar covers. The Nook, however, has a book sharing feature that lets users loan out books to others. This feature is not only cool, but rather necessary. Because the initial launch of the Nook has a rather long load time for books, this gives users the ability to discuss which books another might wish to borrow.

Quite unlike the Kindle, the Nook supports the more common eBook formats, such as ePub, in exchange for the proprietary formats than Amazon’s Kindle forces users to adapt to, such as TXT.

One area that Amazon has decided is a priority to gain an edge in the competition is full support for the seeing impaired. No longer will the blind be forced to wander through the Kindle’s muted interface. In the not too distant future (looks like summer), the Kindle with receive an option to navigate through its menus audibly. Jumping on this bandwagon of making products accessible to the visually impaired are Ford and Colt Firearms. Looks like next rear will be great year to read at home, away from streets, and blind people driving cars.

As reported by the BBC, CNN, MSNBC, and every other big news organizations, each with budgets and resources greater than the sum total of all bloggers, bloggers announced today that Google posted a street view of Pompeii.

For those of who are unfamiliar with Pompeii, it was a Roman town where wealthy Romans went to eat, drink, and get sucked off but anything with a mouth.  Sort of like San Francisco, but without book stores. The city was buried in hot ash and froze many of the residents in mid 69.

While there are no easily found statistics on the project or a convenient list of contributors, NeoKaw has discovered that the bulk of the project was completed by Pepper Tucker, a San Francisco native who was taking a break from his  tour of raves and discos in Rome. How did NeoKaw discover this? It was rather simple; we first looked at Google Maps and discovered the route covered by the Street View. With that information, we knew that the photographer was from San Francisco and had heard just enough about Pompeii that there could be some hot guys there. After that we opened up a phone book from San Francisco and picked a name at random.

So, you are a company that makes miniatures? You think you have found some moderate success? Well, guess the fuck what, you’re going out of business and your kids are going to starve.

I just saw the miniatures available from Smart Max. These are the most fucking amazing miniatures that I have ever seen. Those ranges are fucking ape nuts. It’s like this: imagine that the Perry twins had a night of drinking and the both of them passed out in an alley behind a bar in London. Then, Tim Burton stumbles along, sees the passed out twins, and rapes the ever-loving shit out of them. Nine months later the individuals responsible for Smart Max’s miniatures would be born.

I mean
Shit
Fuck
Damn

In other news, now this is a great reason to pick up a spin-caster.

So, which is more important, the word or the medium? I believe that the content trumps the content’s media of delivery. There are those who rationally and passionately argue the other way and they are, for the most part, fags.

One look at Alan Kaufman’s The Electronic Book Burning pisses me off. Fags like this are more in love with the fag-book-coffee-small-business-book-store-ass-pirate culture. First, anyone who wants to rant about the demise of the fag-book-coffee-small-business-book-store-ass-pirate culture and wants his argument to be taken as a serious, intellectual, hetro, and broad criticism of the eBook, should not write about the demise of book stores in San Francisco. Second, remember to close the fucking center tag so that you’re shit doesn’t have two paragraphs of left-aligned text followed by the rest of the page centered. Third, the horizontal bars that simulate a growing fire are awesome, keep that. Fourth, go fuck yourself.

The eBooks are not about a single entity (Google) controlling electronic content. The new media is not a cultural change. For fuck’s sake, how many people bitched about the demise of the community and university library when the sum total of all human knowledge became available to every household able to afford the baud? The world will become free of its paper anchor. Anyone will be able to publish anything from anywhere. The value of authorship is in the creation of the content, not the media the content is delivered.

For the love of god, these book-loving Neanderthals cry about the loss of a book’s tactile sense, the smell of old paper, and the taste of some dude’s dick they met at fag-book-coffee-small-business-book-store-ass-pirate club meeting. The way these pieces of shit cry about longing for the smell of a worn book reminds me of a Japanese pervert who buys used panties from  a vending machine so that he can get an erection while watching two cosplay ducks dry-hump in a park surrounded by people throwing pickle-chips.

Did we cry when we lost the warm smile of the milkman in favor of purchasing milk from a market? Who bitched when modern refrigeration became installed in American households and we lost the companionship of the iceman? What about the automation that did away with the friendly Ma Bell operator? What about the smell and feel of a horse lost to the adoption of the automobile? How about the nostalgia felt for stone in the age of iron? How about the loss of the scroll? Who the fuck doesn’t miss the days when college students hauled around a semester’s worth of baked clay tablets prominently featuring all to the wedges necessary to facilitate each course’s required consumption of knowledge?

In short, fuck off.

In order for newspapers such as The New York Times to become profitable again, they need to crank the badass up to eleven.

To make a successful form of entertainment today all one has to do is take an IP that is twenty to twenty-five years old and crank the badass up to eleven. I don’t know if this is because for the past decade ninety-nine percent of everyone under the age of thirty is a brain-dead fuck-tard who is enamored with shiny things or an incredibly gay entertainment industry overcompensation in it’s attempt to appeal to the hetro consumers. Here are some examples:

Transformers: The new transformers are just like the original IP, but with the badass cranked up to eleven (if not pushing hard on twelve).

Battlestar Galatica: Like the original, but with the whiny turned up to ten and the badass cranked up to eleven.

G.I. Joe: Like the original, but badass at eleven.

Terminator Salvation: Like The Terminator, but with the badass cranked wayyyyyyy up to eleven. This movie is probably the best example of the badass at eleven theory. In the original The Terminator, humanity in the future were reduced to living in holes and scraping by to fight back against Skynet. They were resistance fighters similar to the Wolverines in Red Dawn. I’m not sure if both of hese movies were an attempt for the generation in the eighties to identify with the VC a generation earlier and side with the winners, but it was a fairly common theme in the eighties. Yet, this was not badass enough for the modern generation. Now the resistance fighters have Iroquois, Warthogs, and Blackhawks. They are wayyyy more badass.

V: Like the original, but more whinny and badass. This series should be as popular as Battlestar Galatica.

The list goes on and on, though there are some exceptions. Fame was faggy in the eighties and is faggy now. However, other media should take advantage of the badass at eleven or they will rot and die. If The New York Times wants’ to survive it should pick up Michael Bay as an editor.

Looking back over the last century’s science fiction and futurist literature two things come to mind, a lot was right and a lot was wrong. Sure, the very creation of past fiction can drive the development of future technology, but quite often even the cultural implications are wrong.

The desire for mobile personal communications can go pack past even Dick Tracy’s watch. The influence for a drive towards portable cell phones can be seen in Star Trek. You think cell phones would flip open if Kirk didn’t have a communicator that flipped open on his endless quest for ass? But one thing that was not foreseen was the cultural interference.

Sure, the ability to instantly communicate with and desired individual from anywhere on the globe is hella-sweet, there is a down side. I don’t mean the traffic accidents, additional museum signs restricting cell phone usage, or even the now-constant chatter in every library I’ve been to in the last decade. No, what I speak of is the cultural interference in a Redbox line. No one foresaw that individuals would someday stack in the back of a line while a woman with an unnaturally large ass talks on a cell phone with another individual who is equally fucking stupid about a movie that a third party might or might not wish to view.

Now, when I say she had a large ass, I mean it was fucking crazy huge. If the continental US was tattooed on her ass, you would never find Nebraska. If her ass were divided amongst five other women, they would still have unnaturally large asses. I’m not even sure why she was on the phone with one individual talking about what movie another individual might want to view. There is no way that a couch exists that would allow her and two other people to sit in any sized room to watch a movie, unless the movie was to be shown on her ass.

Why the fuck can’t people use the goddamned internet for what it was designed for, research? Why can’t they go to a fucking computer, look at what titles are available on an individual Redbox machine, and fucking figure out what they want? Why do they have to waist my fucking time?

The recent patch for the Knidle provides an extended battery life, native PDF support, and screen rotation. Others see this as a blessing as well as a rather minor update that could point to something bigger. But in reality, it is fucking pathetic.

I love my Kindle 2. It is the best piece of technology that I have ever acquired. The home computer brought computing into the house, but it didn’t radically alter life. The Internet, however, completely changed the way a large portion of the population lived and interacted with each other. I still see the interweb as a research tool. Many of my generation, see the Internet as a communications tool. In truth, this is because they are ignorant savages bereft of intelligence. With the research tools available today, there is no need to ask anyone a question ever unless there is a lack of documentation, the person asking doesn’t know how to use the internee, or the person asking the question if a fucking re-re. Most of the ‘tards of my generation are as clueless as how technology works as my parents.

What I am trying to say is that as much as the interweb changed the lives of my generation from that of our parents, the Kindle has changed my life. I always have it on me. I used to keep a notebook listing books referenced by other books that I would look at and/or acquire at a later time. Now I just switch on the wireless and grab the book in question. Reading a normal book has begun to piss me off because it requires both hands to turn the page. The kindle is a fantastic piece of hardware. The hardware is elegant in every way and well thought out. Which begs the question, why the fuck is the software so shitty.

Why can I not let other users borrow books yet. This should have been there from the get-go. Native PDF capability should have been there at launch as well. i am a graphic artist and I can convert from any type of format to any other type of format. Anyone in my generation who doesn’t have their head crammed way up their ass distracted with sports and finding the latest bit of ass could convert a PDF into any other type of format. So, Amazon added the PDF capability for the fucking idiots who can’t get their shit together. The biggest sin in the Kindle software is the list. The inability to organize 1K+ books by topic or directory if fucking retarded. It made since in the original Kindle with that damn scroll wheel on the side, but with the Kindle 2, it makes as much since as running an Alienware system with OS/2.

So, yeah, the patch is nice, but for the fucking love of God, fix your broken shit.